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"As women we face an amazing challenge and opportunity in our lives. Yogi Bhajan said our biological, physiological, sociological and mental capacity is sixteen times greater than a man’s provided we explore it.
This is truly an incredible gift and yet with this gift comes an incredible responsibility because every woman has sixteen times the power to destroy herself or build herself.
Clearing patterns and cultivating new ones are benefits of a regular practice of Kundalini yoga. We awaken our intuitive mind and draw upon our deep intelligence and rewrite our destiny on a cellular level. Through our practice we develop the patience to recognise our past, appreciate it for the gifts it delivered, bless it – and then drop it!”
I AM A WOMAN, Clearing and Cultivating the Self.
This blog about my own experiences and discusses relationships, yoni mapping and womb clearing, ancestral cycles, shame and rejection; if any of these topics cause you pain or are trigger points please tune in to your body and use any tools you have, use your own discretion and self manage.
I had been discussing femininity, intergenerational healing, children and relationships with a dear friend, another Kundalini Yoga Teacher a few months ago and when she shared her experience with a yoni mapper and womb healer and the benefits she experienced I was all in. We had each been practicing a lot of Kundalini Yoga to support these topics, resonate strongly with Mother Mary and had been having EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).
So in early December I went along to my Yoni Mapping appointment with Karlyn Digitalis of Sacred Alchemy. On the drive there my 25 yo son happened to call, he asked where I was going, I explained what I understood to be the process; I’d meet a therapist and she would physically map out my yoni and clear my womb. He asked questions, we discussed my relationship with his Dad, my desires for a future relationship, my relationship with my mother, my grandparents and future generations.
Karlyn was so easy to be with, I felt comfortable in her sacred “witch sister” vibes, so steady on her destiny path, committed to this sacred work, and I sensed we were in it together.
I completed her questionnaire and she asked if I had an intention for my session, about my relationships, my sons, their births, how my menstrual cycle had been (heavy, painful, dread-full), my experience of menopause (smooth, uneventful apart from the “menopause middle”), my sexual experiences, two medically terminated pregnancies, self-pleasure patterns, womb connection, etc.
Karlyn managed the pace, listened keenly, observed body language, she was natural, slow, steady, curious and warm.
From the ancestral angle I shared wounds from when I was in the womb, that today I have a disconnect from my mother and maternal grandmother, and I never met my paternal grandmother. Today, after so much Kundalini Yoga I am 100% neutral about this, it is neither a pain point nor a trigger.
I hold the belief my son’s Dad and I were fated to have them together but our destiny wasn’t to remain together, I always knew I would raise them on my own. Again, thanks to Kundalini Yoga this is now neither a pain point, nor a trigger.
Carrying my eldest son twenty-six years ago was tumultuous; physically the conception and pregnancy was textbook, comfortable, straightforward, and full of ease. Mentally and emotionally challenging for two reasons, I generated a lot of fear and anxiety about the mother I wanted to be and my relationship with his Dad was unstable.
Within weeks of me having our eldest son I was feeling blue and unconfident, I didn’t know how to mother, I wasn’t feeling supported and when I reached to his Dad he said casually that having had a baby his feelings for me had changed, now I was a big turn off. Exact words are private but they cut deeply, I felt tremendous shame, rejection, loss and despair and our relationship was never the same.
I had reproduced my childhood, intergenerational cycle of rejection, shame, neglect and sense of not being good enough.
Our younger son’s conception was a miracle; this pregnancy was again very easy, both births were vaginal and I tore both times.
I cried when Zach’s delivery was over because I knew I wouldn’t experience another delivery, I had loved delivering both my sons so much; I felt powerful, strong, feminine and admitted into divine motherhood.
I shared with Karlyn the delivery was my favourite part of pregnancy, I wanted to be a surrogate baby deliverer! She laughed and said she had never heard that before.
After my second son I had to transition becoming a single mother and addressing my patterns of rejection, attracting narcissism, feeling “good enough”. I decided to remain single and celibate whilst I dealt with these deep wounds and patterns.
In 2011 I met a man who is steadfastly single, never married, never had children, never wanted children because he didn’t want to reproduce the pattern of being a terrible father. He sees me, knows me better than anyone, comes in and out of my life in the supplest of ways. We have loved and lost each other over many lifetimes, we are each other’s soft places to fall, we ask nothing of the other. We are no threat to each other’s safety in singledom. Our soul connection and memory is ancient, sacred and pure. When I haven’t been celibate I am with my King, I let him in, he is safe.
Clearing ancestral wounds and generational patterns as we do in Kundalini Yoga and undergoing EMDR in 2023 which had focused on clearing childhood patterns of rejection, my feeling of not being good enough and neglect had prepared me for Karlyn’s Sacred Alchemy, I was ready to work with her and experience the Yoni Mapping and Womb Clearing.
What was my intention? To honour and thank the women in my family who came before me, honour and thank my son’s Dad for bringing me our sons, clear the past rejection, and at 51 in an empowered, independent, vital way open a new chapter for me, my sons, nieces and my future grandchildren. I wanted to clear ancestral connections and my womb space. I wanted to feel the JOY and beauty there.
The yoni mapping was rich with information (why aren’t we taught this as young women in our culture?), gentle and done at a steady pace. First, using a vagina cushion as an educational tool to map out the anatomy and landmarks, then a full body massage commenced.
Karlyn checked in regularly asking for my permission, explaining what she was doing as she progressed, mapping my yoni, slowly, identifying my anatomy, sweeping and clearing energy, shame, rejection, old, generational wounds as she went, most of which weren’t mine but we have a tendency to hold up to seven generations before us and seven generations ahead of us.
This, as I explained to my eldest son over the phone that morning, was why I wanted to undertake this exercise; it’s valuable, viable intergenerational work.
At one point my right ovary was searingly hot and painful, with tenderness and reverence, it soon passed. Parts of me tickled, I got the giggles, I cried, I felt curious, and overwhelmingly awestruck by this chest of wisdom, capacity for creation and joy.
Karlyn created a temple like space, her warmth, sisterhood and experience contributed to one of the most healing ceremonies I have ever experienced.
Two weeks later I travelled to Japan to see my former Host Mother and sisters from when I studied at university and it was so beautiful to introduce my son to these strong, creative, intelligent women who had such influence on me in my early twenties. My relationship with my Japanese Mum is void of womb-based history, the connection is very clear and she knows me so well.
My Japanese sister is a healer who carries dragon energy and gifted us a personal sauna with mokomo, an ancient herb like mugwort. One at a time she set us up on a timber box with the herb steaming below, we were draped in a gown tied up at the neck to sweat profusely. I didn’t realise it at the time but this herb is sometimes prescribed for mothers and often used by midwives. I was gifted a beautiful yoni steam cleanse and I meditated on the work I had done with Karlyn, releasing any residual stories, debris and hurts, deepening my connection to my womb space and yoni, feeling lighter, clearer and open to JOY and beauty.
My son witnessed my connection to my Japanese host mother and was so touched by the close maternal bond. I think we both felt reassured the current and future generations are equipped with the self-mastery, connections and access to healers to clear hurts and heal wounds as we go.
I am grateful to all my teachers before me, amongst me, and ahead of me, Karlyn for her sacred work, my sons, sisters and Source for always providing and guiding.
For those interested please reach out to Karlyn Digitalis via her social @the_erotic_alchemist or website www.sacred-alchemy.com.au for a consultation, her sacred alchemy is for singles and couples.
